tumblr?

Tumblr has taken over meeee -____- i hate this. lol. I will be updating on here of course but it is so easy to reblog on tumblr. if you want, for some neat pics, please check out my tumblr too!! xanga update soon :)

po0hbear.tumblr.com

Do it ! if you have one, let's follow eachother :)

some days are better than others....today wasn't better.

if you feel like nothing is right....

This is not how I pictured it....

I hate this feeling. I feel worthless, replaced, not good enough, not beautiful enough, and not MYSELF! I sit here thinking " why me?!" or actually " why not me?" UGH! I wish everything was okay. I thought everything was getting better until suddenly, it got worse. I used to be able to handle this and not have my feelings take the best of me, but now they are. I thought I was going to be fine. My feelings only got stronger and I'm sitting here unhappy with everything. This is my fault. I shouldn't do this to myself, but I can never let go. You can't help how you feel or who you love for that matter. I shouldn't hide my feelings FROM MYSELF or allow myself to think that everything is normal. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. I feel horrible.  I can't get over this or you. I feel this way all because of another person and you should never allow anyone to fill up such a huge spot in your head. It's not right to allow yourself to let someone control your emotions this much. This is now my fault. I could have stopped this, right? Now I think, maybe not because if I could have I would have. I'm where I am for a reason. I just wish it was me, not her. Was I really ever that bad? I gave everything I could have given. I'm so sick of giving my all to someone who thinks it is funny to keep me around. Don't make me wait just because you know I will. Don't toy with my heart and mess with my brain, because you're leaving me with a scar. I cannot help it, ugh. I can't stand it and it is really killing me. You are happy and I am not. I always loved you and I do want you to be happy. I am glad that you are, but when will it be my turn. Would it kill you to see me with someone else? Sometimes, I really do think you still think about me. I don't want to hurt you. But, I think all the damage is probably done. I should just let go.

I FEEL LONELY

Will I ever get over this? Will I ever find something better? Will I ever fill this void? Will I ever be happy and move on? 

I just want to keep you forever, but it's done.

I am a complete mess when you're gone.

what do you really think of me?

one of my many thoughts... ahaha

What really gets me annoyed is when people who screwed me over, get exactly what they want. Between exes and backstabbing girls who used to claim that they were your "best friend." haha no, you were not darling. Exes that did you dirty are now supposedly happier than ever......without you? Here you are, sitting home alone, with no one... They're out doing whatever with whoever, and you have absolutely no control over it. You're not happy, that is a total lie. I mean, you rather be alone than miserable with someone else, but jeez why do they get what they want? What did you do wrong to deserve to sit home alone while they get what they want and have happiness. Why do they have what you want? Love, happiness, and the feeling of being appreciated.(Given that they never appreciated you, yet they are appreciating someone else. Bleh) I guess it's true that the good really do finish last, if at all. It's hard to be optimistic these days about certain things, when you see the people who have hurt you or attempted to, get rewarded for their unacceptable behavior. I guess the moral of the story is that being a good person doesn't mean that your "good karma" will come back around anytime soon. Who knows if it even will. I guess being a good person is just a risk to take in this world, because you will not always be rewarded for it. I guess i rather get screwed over a few times in my life than to be the one hurting others. I rather be the good person who only gets notice once in awhile....even though it really does suck. 

What are your thoughts?